MUSINGS: How your fashion could be getting in the way of Mr Right!

Funny topic….yh?

As a lover of accessories, fashion rings are a huge part of my collection. I love rings and so I get them in various colors and sizes. As the trends have moved, putting the spotlight on knuckle rings, I surely have moved with the trend.

For some time now, I have been on some training (which kinda explains why my blogging has been inconsistent…apologies). Somehow, I came up with the topic in the course of this training.

I was having a discussion with a colleague in class one day (a guy) and somehow the discussion suddenly focused on my ring. He started to tell me how he used to think I was engaged and all of that. I asked him if the ring looked like an engagement ring (because it didn't seem like one to me). He replied saying most guys won’t get the opportunity to come close enough to confirm if it was a fashion ring or an engagement ring. They would basically assume ‘yes’ and move on. 
It didn't make sense to me at that time.

I mean, if you see a lady you like, approach her and see where it leads you. At least be sure she is engaged or married, I argued.

For some reason, I have been drawn to fashion rings that could totally pass for wedding or engagement rings (but for the quality….) and for another reason, I find myself wearing them on my two middle fingers   AhAh!!.....you get right?

So a guy spots me from a distance and as he tries to approach me, I raise my hands to adjust my hair and shit!.... he sees two rings on the two sacred fingers. He thinks to himself, you probably shouldn't…. and then he retrieves. Friendship or Relationship missed!

I don’t know if that’s how it really works but that was me trying to see through another lens in trying to understand what my friend meant.

I must say that as at that time, I didn't take him serious. 
Overtime, I noticed some other male colleagues asked me the same question but we would simply laugh over it. Check! I thought it was a class thing.

It wasn't until two of my facilitators commented. They said they actually thought I was engaged. I was like ‘seriously?’ Now, I really should do something about this. It wasn't a class thing after all. For those facilitators to have thought the same, then my friend was probably right.

How many relationships or friends have I missed by a single act of wearing my fashion rings and on my two sacred fingers at that?

Do guys really assume a girl is engaged just because you can see a ring on her finger?  Aren't there married ladies who don’t even wear their rings? Guys, share with us….

Why miss out on something nice just by mere assumptions?

Really, wearing my fashion rings on any other finger feels weird to me.

Ladies, what are your thoughts on this issue?


YS: Ogunrinde Olayemi

SKIMO’S RANTS: Hey you Shopaholic!

I like shopping; shopping for myself and shopping for others. Infact, shopping days are happy days for me. Am I a shopaholic? Nah…

If you’re reading this:

You either know one, you have been one or you are one!

I was going through my movie archives recently and I stumbled on this old movie “Confessions of a Shopaholic” (let’s not even start with my weird ability to watch a movie 10 times over). The movie is about a lady who loved to shop. She shopped so much, she was in huge debt. It didn't stop her. She literally knew where all the sales were. At some point, her friend made her join a shopaholics group to help her.

One day, she went to one of their meetings with somethings she just bought. She met a lady going into the building and asked if she could keep her things in her car. The lady agreed. Guess what? The lady was their new group instructor! She didn’t know until the lady introduced herself at the meeting. Oh Shit!

The new instructor (stricter than the previous) took all of them to a charity store nearby and simply donated all she bought (including her bridesmaid dress that she had just collected from her friend). Of course, the instructor didn't believe her. She was used to all those 'kinda' lies.

The lady went back to the store to plead for her stuff but they told her she couldn't get them. She begged to buy them back (that’s paying twice). She realized she didn't have enough money and so she had to either choose between the bridesmaid dress or the gown she bought for an interview the next day (Note that, she probably had other new clothes she could wear for the interview in her closet). She chose the interview dress and left the bridesmaid dress. Of course, her friend saw a street hawker wearing her bridesmaid dress.

You can imagine what happened…..

xxxx

Watching the movie, I wondered, are there really people who shop like this? The point where shopping becomes an addiction! For many, the urge doesn't stop even when the credit card is giving a red flag. You can think of a thousand reasons to get those Gucci boots when you have 10 boots comfortably sleeping in your closet. It then becomes a case of satisfaction rather than necessity.

Heaven, help the gullible shopper!

-         

      

     The addiction to shop for the shopaholic is so strong that when you ask why they shop that much, you hear stuff like- Oh! I just love:

 The sheen of silk draped across a mannequin.

-          The smell of new Italian leather shoes.

-          The warmth of cashmere coats or sweaters.

-         The rush you feel when you swipe your card and it’s approved and it all belongs to you.

-          The smell of malls.

Or you hear something like – the economy gets better when I shop. HUH? That’s the reason?

Oh dear!

Speaking of the different types of shoppers, there are those who:

-       Stock up on anything that’s on sale. You simply can’t resist the allure of a buy one-get one  free sale.

-          Buy strictly from a list.

-          End up buying twice as much as they expected.

-          Buy only designer items.

-          Buy designer items only if they can get it on discount.

-          Buy designer items only if quality is truly an issue.

-          Buy something only when they really need it.

-          Stock up their closets at the beginning of every season.

-          Buy anytime they see something they like.

-          Buy anytime they can find good stuff on sale……..

Some shop:

-          When they are happy.

-          When they are sad.

-          When they are bored.

-          Just for the feeling of entitlement.

-          Because they can’t simply wear one dress twice.

-          Every damn day!

For certain people like celebrities, fashion bloggers etc, having to shop very often might just be inevitable; probably because there’s a constant need to feed your followers/ fans with the latest trends and all. I do not have any problem with that. I only need you to ensure:

-          You are not breaking the bank.

-          You buy and let go (as new things come in, occasionally let some things go).

I used to watch a program on Style network ‘Clean House’. I saw how many people shopped and got choked in it. I mean, you shop and you have even your bedroom and living room swamped in it. C’mon!!

Most of them were either going through some mid-life crisis or just didn't know when or how it got so bad.

Please note: I’m not addressing ladies or fashion shopaholics alone. There are men who are shopaholics too; gadget shopaholics and the likes. Yh, I see you right there…!!

Buy as much as you can afford. I mean, you have the money right? So, why not?

My point is to make sure you’re gonna use them and not just choke your closet or room with junk.

Re-evaluate your closet every once in a while. You will be amazed at some things you didn't remember you had and are still very good. Give out items you are no longer interested in. Do a yard sale. Give the needy. Give out to friends. Do whatever. Just make sure you are not just buying and piling.

Hey you shopaholic!

Always ask yourself: Do I really need that? Make sure you have GOOD reasons for that Yes!

Remember, you also have the choice to say no!

Buy less, Choose wisely Digs and Skims…..

Thanks for stopping by.

YS: Ogunrinde Olayemi

CREDIT: Man Repeller

MUSINGS: The Workplace and All Its Dictates.

One of the many beauties of being an undergraduate is the freedom and power to dress as you like. Throw on a top and a pair of jeans and you are good to go. Of course, students of some private universities hardly enjoy this liberty. In the name of being prepared for the corporate world, they are instructed to wear shirts and suits to attend lectures. Some universities even go as far as restricting female students to wearing skirts on campus. I know it isn’t a welcome idea for a lot of students. I remember a couple of my friends always complained about how boring their wardrobes were and how they could not wait to become graduates. 

The irony.

The corporate world affects our lives in ways that are almost synonymous to tyranny. Dedicating a huge chunk of our time, which exceeds the stipulated 8-5 work hours when you factor in time spent in getting to work and returning home is the least of the expectations that accompany working as an employee. Think about it. There is a ‘dress code’ document in the file containing your employment letter. Some offices even have it printed in bold letters and pasted in office corridors. Dark colours, less patterns and predictable cuts.

Thing is, your wardrobe is importantly, a reflection of the YOU that everyone perceives. Forget the cheesy ‘how you dress is how you are addressed’ etc quotes that influence you in singling out an outfit for an interview. I’m talking about people who live on your street and watch you struggle for the bus every morning. That’s perception. The highest form of addressment you are likely to cop from these people is a curt greeting, especially if you live in Lagos. But these people, over time form an impression about you. In fact, someday, their recommendation of you could be a lifeline. 

The nature of your job defines your wardrobe. It isn’t unusual that you see a fancy dress that you really like but won’t buy because you spend a lot of time at work and do not have other places to wear it to. Down to the basics, to the colours. Recently my boss disapproved of a hairdo that I had thought was decent enough for the office. He was gracious enough to have not said anything until I had changed the do and he was very subtle about the reprimand. Of course, if I ever have that hairdo on again, I would wear a wig on top to work.

Now that I look back to my undergrad days, I am very happy of all the experimenting I did with clothes and hairstyles. You know, gold colored weave, Anita Baker haircut and even a ‘Galax’, I think it is called. I remember one of my lecturers called me into his office one day to ask what influenced my style. He told me in no few words that it was a manifestation of my true personality. I wish he could see me now to decide if somehow along the line, my personality was operated on. 

Have a great weekend guys!

YS: Bisola Agboluaje

SKIMO'S RANTS: How does one fit such Big Family into a Small Wedding?

A few months back, a friend of mine informed me about her wedding and of course, I would be on the train. Remember ‘the bridesmaid’s dilemna’? LOL….view here if you missed it.

But really this wasn’t a dilemma. No bridesmaid dress!!

We got talking about the wedding plans and she told me her church wedding would consist of the couple and parents alone! I was like…huh?

Not even the chief bridesmaid or best man would be present. I recall some of the other bridesmaids advising her to take her chief bridesmaid along or ensure her dress would comfortable enough for her to handle. She was adamant.

xxxx

Many of us have unique ideas for our weddings for one reason or the other. It could be because you just wanna be different or maybe spiritual, family or personal reasons. Whatever the case may be, we are all entitled to our decisions.

While the idea of a small wedding may sound cool, I am not one to go by it. Really, there’s nothing nicer than having your 50-100 guests locked up and spread across a small setting. Its perfect organization is almost ever certain. Everybody comes in by invitation.

But when I begin to think of all the people I would want to be present at my wedding (and all the people my PARENTS, AUNTS AND UNCLES would want present), I always end up with this question:

‘How does one possibly fit such huge family into a small wedding?’

I never get answers. Why?...because I actually like big weddings!

Small weddings can be all 'panash' and organized, but really, I still want my ‘big fairy wedding’. Yh…that’s right!

We shall pray and fast.

No weapon formed against us will prosper!

The wedding will hold.

Everybody will eat well and return home with smiles on their faces.

….and we shall live happily ever after!

LOL. That's just me thinking out loud.....

Anyone who likes big weddings like me? Yh...i see you!

Cheers guys!

YS; Ogunrinde Olayemi

MUSINGS: Time to Drop the Cliché!

This is going to sound refractory, or even a little atypical, but as much as Lagos traffic denies Lagosians valuable time that could be spent on productive engagements, it gifts us with beautiful moments of arguments and thought provoking conversations. 

If you are a lover of the radio, you must be familiar with this programme that is slated to coincide with the usual rigorous drive home in the evening, ‘Chaz B’, I think it is called. I am not a lover of the radio, but since I hitch a ride with my colleague home, I dutifully listen to whatever floats his boat, be it a track off Kendrick Lamar’s ‘To Pimp a butterfly’ album or Brilla’s noisemaker host, Murphy Jemba’s show.

So, yesterday the topic discussed on the Chaz B show was whether or not people would like to work together with their spouses, in the same office space or as business partners. People called in, and although some comments got me laughing, I cannot but share my two cents on the issue. 

A caller’s opinion, albeit popular as I later found out, stuck with me. He said he couldn’t be business partners with his wife because women like money and are unable to draw a line between personal spending and business expenditure. Several other men called in to share the man’s sentiments and although one other man praised his wife for being a prudent housekeeper worthy of business partnership, he was thoroughly overshadowed by the negativity that characterized the comments of others. I am wondering why hardly any woman called in to weigh in on the matter but that’s hardly the point I’m trying to make.

My first reaction to the show was very straightforward. It is important to know your partner, exhaustively. Truth is, be it on either side of the sex fence, not everyone is business oriented. The reason a lot of people would rather be employed and carry out the instructions of someone who sits at the helm of affairs is not hard to figure out, crowns are shiny and attractive, but uneasy lay the heads that wear them.

The crux of this gist is that I am greatly appalled by the generalization that women are not good business owners and that they are mostly bound to ruin a partnership with their husbands. I personally know women who are the brain-boxes in businesses jointly run with their spouses and although I find a number of people would disagree, the basis of their differing opinion scarcely adds up.

‘Experience.’ The one word that has influenced the decisions of many people and suffices as the most gigantic excuse of all times. What is in fact bemusing is how I have realized that unmarried men would allude to the experience(s) of their uncle’s father-in-law’s friend as the reason to not partner with their future spouses and miss the possible opportunity of creating business empires.

Are you asking me if I think that there are no women who are capable of ruining businesses? Of course not. Do I think women are good managers? Yes, just as there are good men managers. Should married people necessarily enter into businesses with their spouses? Not at all. What I did expect in the course of this argument is for people to raise crucial points on how conflicts can arise in the work place and leave a dent in the relationship of spouses or how time-flexibility should be considered especially if there are toddlers in the family and the rest of that.

We can do better than call one in ten women who run businesses beautifully, the exception. What is exceptional about them is the opportunity to make a difference, not the denial that is so attributive of everyday occurrences.

And this even has nothing to do with feminism.

Have a great week guys and thanks for stopping by!

By Bisola Agboluaje
 
 

Because Happy Independence Nigeria!!!

As my colleague and I sat in the hellish Lekki- Ajah traffic last night, my weary eyes rested on a long line of cars adorned with miniature green-white-green flags under the fast fading Nigerian sky. It was the first I had seen of such intense enthusiasm about the celebration of Nigeria’s Independence. In spite of my usually unperturbed self, a smile played carelessly on my lips as I watched my colleague haggle with a traffic vendor for the smallest sized flag in his merchandise. Even if momentary, that was money to be made.

The political ambiance of the country has taken a drastic plunge northwards and one cannot underplay the pros of and inherent beauty in it. I am particularly awed by the presence of a politically inclined group on Twitter who although is laced with so much venom and broken into several factions, has the potential of mobbing inactive leaders out of office and retaining otherwise trustworthy ones. The likes of @omojuwa, @ayourb, @ogbenidipo, @demolanrewaju, @zahramusa, @joyceodukoya have accumulated a large following who they intimate with new findings and ‘edutain’ with heated arguments which sometimes have them calling each other out but are altogether a crucial feature of the democracy we intend to build on.

On the other end are Nigerian leaders, ably represented by social media experts whose Twitter accounts have become a medium for public enlightenment and clarification on pressing issues. Just yesterday, amidst the frenzy accompanying the impending appointment of the ministers of the present tenure, the Senate President @bukolasaraki announced the reception of the proposed Ministerial list from the presidency at about 5.20 PM. Gone are the days when people got news items off Newspaper Stands and NTA 9.00 PM news. Now, even news agencies cop items off Twitter. In a near similar fashion, @omojuwa recently had a Tweetmeet with the Governor of the state of Osu,, Rauf Aregbesola where he asked questions floating on the minds of several Nigerians as regards the non-payment of salaries in the State.

My point is that this new found love growing in the hearts of young Nigerians for politics and governance heralds an era of accountability, transparency, social equity and judicious use of public resources as against what was regarded as the norm in the past.

So here is wishing Nigeria a fabulous fabulous birthday which coincides with the first anniversary of our BBM Channel, Digs and Skims C0019B5B0. Here is to applaud the awareness gracing our streets and the reorientation that fuels it. Here is to solicit insistence and persistence and an unoppressed bout of fervor. Here is praying strength and wisdom for our leaders. Here is hoping that all our dreams as a nation come true

Happy 55^th Independence Nigeria! 

by Bisola Agboluaje

Skimo's Rants: A Bridesmaid's Dilemma

For many of us who have had the opportunity to be on one or more bridal trains, you definitely know this routine:

You get the call. You are informed about the wedding and that you would be on the train. You’re happy of course (your friend, sister, uncle, aunt etc.. is getting married). It’s almost hard to say no even if you’re going through some financial mishap. Then it hits you that you were just told it would cost 20k or even more! For some it might seem like a token and for many more it’s like…damn 20k??!!

Wait a minute…the 20k might just be for the dress alone!! LOL….

You get the dress and it’s simply okay for the event but you can’t seem to wrap your head around what to do with it after the wedding.

This happens a lot.

Most often than not, we pay a huge sum for bridesmaid dresses and we just end up dumping them somewhere in the far corner of our closets. Why? because they literally scream ‘bridesmaid dress!!

It’s almost like it’s even better to be in the Aso Ebi group. At least you know you get to re-wear somehow, someday.

So imagine those who get to be on a train often…maybe because they are 'too fine' or they just know too many people or have too many friends. Think about how many dresses they have had to pay for but never get to wear them after the wedding.

Now the bride comes with this argument….

Brides may also want to argue that they don’t get to wear their wedding gowns after that day, so that’s the least you could do for them…blablabla…

But really, wedding gowns can be a lot more useful after the wedding day. You can simply put them up for rent or keep for your female children to wear on their wedding day or something.

Here’s my point,

I think brides and designers should come up with versatile designs that are wearable even after the wedding (especially when the bridesmaids are paying so much). I have seen a couple of dresses that are lovely. It’s almost hard to tell when you re-wear.

The funny thing is, groomsmen almost never face this. I mean… the shirt, suit, tie, pocket square etc are all very useful after the wedding. It’s almost always an investment for the groomsmen.

So, dear lovely brides to be and designers, help your bridesmaids. Make it worth it.

Why Kim Is Her Own Woman

I have wanted to share my thoughts on this woman for some time, but for some reason, I found myself writing a few lines and then abandoning it. Partly because I feared my opinions on this were not relatable.  I cannot write for sure if this attempt will adequately capture my thoughts but a try, they say, never hurt nobody.

The first I heard of Kim Kardashian was a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend Ray-J becoming public. In fact, people claim that was how she got catapulted into limelight. For the minute percentage of my readership that might not be conversant with a ‘sex tape’, it is a recording of a sexual intercourse on your phone or a camera for future reference. Whether Kim intentionally released the tape for intended effects is very debatable, but since the crux of the everyday allegation leveled against her is the taping of her sexual experience itself, I will dismiss it in one opinion.

Almost every adult has a sex life. In fact, kids who are ‘smart’ enough to listen to the advices of their mothers to wait till marriage or adulthood, find themselves looking forward to this seemingly ecstatic experience that culminates in habitualness. Maybe if we had enough decency to accept and regard adult sex as a natural and popular activity, it would be easier to come to terms with the idea of people having kinks such as filming their intimate moments.

Moving on, if a woman as beautiful and as curvy as Kim has been watched having sex the entire world over, then it is simply nothing to hide. The boobs. The curves. The butt. Nothing! In fact, considering how many people I assume have seen this tape, then her body has become some sort of a global monument. And if you are wondering what her body celebrates, nudity.

The problem with the world is that we choose to appreciate things that are only layered up. A beautiful woman is only admirable when she has tons of clothes on. How many of us love the figure that we see when alone in the corner of our rooms? When you strip down to nature before bed, do you kiss the growing fat on your upper arm? In the morning before your routine bath, do you turn around in front of the mirror to admire your love handles? Do you spend as much money taking care of your skin as you dish out on all these designer names and their hoaxes? Are you in love with the one that houses your soul? Your body is as near-important as your very essence. If it got chipped off in tiny bits to the very end, what do you think would be left?

So here is what I think about Kim. She had sex. Had it filmed. Somehow, it became public. She made success off a purportedly messy situation. She had two options. To live in shame over an event that could not be undone or to ‘face her front’ and grow into the new image; a sex symbol. She has landed mouthwatering deals for herself and has dragged her entire family into the zone of comfort. I thought you all encouraged the spirit of entrepreneurship. Oh, there are guidelines? Come off it!

By Bisola Agboluaje